Len - Chapter 3
“Huh?” Len’s stare came into focus, as if he had actually heard me. “What kind of question is that?”
“It’s the kind of question I need to ask,” I replied. “Why don’t we go back into the other room and let your mother sleep while we chat.” I moved toward him, as that was the only direction available to me in the midst of the clutter. Len put Lulu down and she disappeared from sight. He backed out of the doorway and returned to his well worn place on the couch. I saw what appeared to be a sturdy wooden chair holding two tubs of assorted blankets and clothing. It was obvious Len wasn’t in the mood to be a helpful sort of a guy, so I lugged the tubs to other stacks nearby and took a seat.
All of the windows were open, and the sweet air pouring in provided a stark contrast to the musty odors in the house. Len watched me as I made a place for myself, scratching absentmindedly at his scruffy beard the way a dog might scratch his neck.
I tried again. “Len, do you love your mother?”
He dug around on the coffee table, shaking packs of cigarettes until he finally shook one free. He repeated this process while looking for a match, then he lit the cigarette and leaned back. I sat silently, waiting for his response. It came after three long pulls on the cigarette.
“Do I love my mother? Hell, I’m here taking care of her. That counts for something, don’t it?” He seemed agitated, and I could see him dart a longing look at what was left of his bottle of Jack.
“Let’s talk about that. What exactly do you do to take care of Nessie?” I knew I should write down his responses, but after all of this time, I could predict what he would say. He was like so many others.
“Well, I feed her. I give her medication when she needs it. I help her get to the bathroom. I take her to see the doctor. You know. That kind of stuff.” He tapped the ash from his cigarette in the general direction of the ash tray. Most of it fell to the floor.
“When did she last see her doctor?” I wondered if Len would tell the truth or if he would try to pull a fast one on me. I knew from Gerald that Len had cancelled the last two appointments and not rescheduled.
Len looked up at the ceiling, as if in thought. “I think maybe one of the home care nurses took her to her last appointment because I was out of town for a day or two.” He didn’t look at me because he knew how weak his answer sounded.
“That’s odd, because Dr. Leach said you cancelled Nessie’s last two appointments and never rescheduled. What’s going on here, Len?” I tried not to sound harsh, because that usually made family members close up on me. This situation was tricky; at this point, I felt that Nessie needed medical treatment instead of an end-of-life interview. I needed Len to see me as his ally; otherwise, he’d never agree to take Nessie to see Dr. Leach and he might even forbid me from visiting in the future.
“I can’t do this no more.” He ran a hand through his tangle of hair. “You think she’s dying? What about me? I’m stuck in this dump, we’re living off of her Social Security, and nobody really gives a rat’s ass as to whether or not either of us live or die. There’s times I think the best thing to do would be to put us both out of our misery.” He looked down at a gun on the coffee table and I knew he meant what he said. The problem was more serious than I expected and I wasn’t certain of how to proceed. I had yet to spend time with Nessie and was operating solely on my gut feeling that she wasn’t ready to meet her Maker. Len, on the other hand, seemed more than ready to meet his and take Nessie along with him. The situation worried me.
“Maybe I can help.” I stood up and moved toward the bedroom. “I need to spend some time with your mother first and then you and I will talk again. Why don’t you stay out here and watch some television while I visit with Nessie?”
Len grabbed the bottle of Jack and slumped back on the sofa. He turned on the television and I could hear the squeals of excited audience members as game show contestants bid on fabulous prizes. Len seemed oblivious to my presence. His eyes glazed over as he tipped the bottle against his lips and let the amber liquid work its magic.
I entered Nessie’s room and walked over to the bed. The lump under the covers didn’t move. I called, “Nessie? Nessie?” I nudged the lump. Something didn’t feel right.
Pulling back the sheet, I found two pillows, but no Nessie. I looked around the room, thinking she had perhaps gotten up to use her commode and fallen in the process. There was no sign of her anywhere.
“Len?” I called out, but knew he would not answer. I picked my way through the debris on the floor and went back into the room where Len was still slouched on the sofa. “Len! Len!”
The volume of my voice finally roused him. He looked over at me and for a moment, didn’t know who I was. Once my identity registered, he responded. “What? What do you want now?”
“Nessie is gone,” I said.
“What are you talking about? She’s in her bed, right where I left her. Did you look there?” He was irritated with what he perceived to be my inability to see his mother right in front of my eyes.
“Of course I looked in her bed. Her pillows are there, but she isn’t. Come and see for yourself.” I made my way back into the bedroom and waited several minutes for Len to appear. He walked over and stood next to me, staring at the pillows. Then he looked up at the huge double window above the hospital bed. One of the windows was open.
“Aw, shit,” he said. “She’s gone out the window. I guess I forgot to lock it last night.” Len turned and walked back into the living room, leaving me alone with the empty hospital bed.
